If you hold the belief that every human being in the world is beautiful no matter what, you’ve never seen someone high as f**k. A drunk person/friend is not beautiful. They look gross, are up for doing the most stupid things, won’t take no for an answer and just won’t quit drinking at any cost. Handling someone who’s drunk isn’t easy, it gets better with experience. If you’re good at it, do make it a point to put it up on your resume. You’ll be going places if you do, while that friend of yours has no hope. Here’s the things every drunk person in the world says –
1. “I’m not high!”
These are the exact words that’ll come out of their mouth every time you stop them from doing things. So you’re at a party with this friend who has absolutely no self control. He/she will gobble 8-10 shots of tequila at one go, when you’ve clearly told them not to. They’ll keep telling how it’ll be fine, and how they won’t end up drunk, but you and they both know it’s not going to happen. Alcohol and them are like magnets, they just don’t stay apart. They’re pretty hammered by now, yelling at the top of their voice, dancing in the wackiest way possible, and just when you go to take them home, they drop the “I’m not high” bomb. You’re just standing there wondering what kind of a sober person would send “you’re a shithead” to their boss.
2. “Let’s go dance!”
Dancing is an art everyone should do, except for drunk people. When normal dance, it’s enjoyable and fun, but when a drunk person dances, it’s nowhere near being fun. Be it a house party or at a club, if they dance, there’s no room for anyone else (because they’re all over the place). No music in the world can satisfy them, and god save save you if they’re jam comes on. There’s no stopping a drunk person from dancing like a maniac to his/her jam. I don’t know if it’s the alcohol, or a sudden superpower that controls their body, they move every muscle which seems impossible for human beings to move. If you see them dancing, not only are your eyes going to hurt but also you’ll feel like their kidney is about to fall off their abdomen.
3. “Just one more shot!”
We all have that one friend who’s probably going to die of improper functioning of liver, but they still won’t stop drinking in hell (there’s no place for alcoholics in heaven, if you didn’t know). They have already texted all their exes, puked all over the place, made a scene in public and cried in the closet. They’ve been doing all kinds of weird things the whole night creeping people out and it’s time they call it quits and pass out, but no. One more goddamned shot of vodka. I’m gonna suggest you to save your energy in trying to stop them from doing that, because for starters they wouldn’t listen at any cost, and secondly they might beat you up for doing that.
4. “What did I do last night?”
More like, what haven’t they done. The next day after the party they went full retard, you’ll get a mandatory text/phone call from them asking what did they do last night. Their head hurts because of the “one more shot” they kept taking. Their body is sore will all the “sexy dancing and their antics are all over Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat. Now because you’re their best friend whose advice they chose to completely ignore last night, they text you. You’re just holding your phone in the hand wondering why do you choose to be seen with them in public. You don’t know how to answer that because this could take up to four days. See it for yourself man, you’re all over YouTube.
5. “Let’s go drinking!”
Just when your life started getting back to normal, they hit you with this. After their stunt at the last party, nobody spoke to you for days because of your friend. Everybody kept their distance from you, and it took you a lot of time to regain their trust on your choices. That drunk friend has been the talk of the town for weeks, but as usual he/she has no shame. You yourself have been ignoring them for days trying to forget everything, but they’ll still find a way to send this message across. You agree to go drinking again with them, make them promise they wouldn’t cross the line and watch that promise fall apart. This cycle continues for the rest of your life because let’s face it, you love their stupidity.
“I’m not high!”