Vegetarians, as we’ve all studied in 4th grade, are people who do not eat meat. Over the years, the definition of vegetarianism has however changed. Classified into many sections, the definition ranges from not eating meat to eating meat 6 days a week. Unknown to the various kinds? Here’s a look at the various types of vegetarians –
1. The Pure Vegetarians
As the name suggests, these type of vegetarians are the purest of the list. The thought of chicken tandoori grosses them out and they feel like puking even if a fish curry is being served 10 miles away from where they are. These friends are the ones who’ll always give you gyaan about how animal are tortured in slaughterhouses, and how the world should turn vegetarians like they are and save innocent animals from dying. Their Facebook timeline is just an amalgamation of how proud they are of being vegetarians as no innocent animal was tortured to feed them. A plant was ripped off right from the roots for you, ever think about that?
2. The Egg Vegetarians
The simplest way to understand them is they prefer eating the baby and not the mother. They would love to boil that egg and have breakfast in the morning, but not chicken because, well there’s no explanation. The egg could grow up to be a total playboy among the chicken family, or could go to London to get a Masters degree, or just sleep all day smoking pot, but these egg “vegetarians” kill them in their embryo stage, but complain about how people eating chicken have no hearts. You boil innocent lives on your pan everyday, you monster.
3. The Egg in cake Vegetarians
These kind of people are the reason aliens won’t talk to us. They must look down on earth through their dope telescope and see this one guy at Monginis buying cake with egg, but on the way back home covers his mouth if he smells bhurji being made. They must wonder what kind of people were sent to earth. Nobody knows the whole concept behind “I only eat egg in cake” because it’s just as stupid as it sounds. Let me just tell you that the egg put in the cake is the same as one used in omelets. It’s your stupid psychology that they’re somehow different.
4. The Tuesday Vegetarians
These people are my personal favourite. So Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, they could chop up a whole human being and feast on their flesh, but on Tuesday, no no, God is watching. You mean to say God did not see how you had the butter chicken on Friday? What happens to God on the other days? Does he go on a vacation just like your logic has? Or did he come in your dreams and tell you personally how he hates you eating animals on Tuesday? What is the reason for this stupidity?
5. The Navratri Vegetarians
Aye Haalo! Nine days every year, a lot of people sacrifice eating meat, and sometimes even onion and garlic, because that’s what everyone does. No one has ever asked why this happens, they just blindly follow this custom and now it has become an integral part of the Navratri ritual. Other days of the year, you can eat whatever it is that you want to, but Navratri, nope. Time to realize how you preach non-violence and condemn animal sacrifice, just for nine days. Animals are all like, “you kidding me bruh?”
6. The Gravy Vegetarians
This is a typical restaurant situation when one of your friends is a gravy vegetarian. They order themselves paneer tikka and naan, and you order butter chicken with naan. The minute your butter chicken enters the premises, this gravy friend announces how he’s going to take the gravy and not chicken pieces and you’re just sitting there watching his face wondering what wrong did you do to deserve a friend this stupid. He’ll have all your gravy and you’ll just sit there eating chicken pieces because you chose to be seen in public with him. Gravy vegetarian friend sare just the worst.
7. The Outside Vegetarians
These rebels coming from a pure vegetarian family broke the family custom and gave into the desires of their taste buds. Peer pressure made them non-vegetarians, and now it’s like they’re leading dual lives. One is with friends where meat is an integral part of the meal, and the other is with family where onion and garlic is deeply renounced. The worst nightmare of their lives is when they go out for family dinners. They’re eyes are stuck onto the non-vegetarian section while the family is at paneer. God help them is they blurt out that they want chicken tikka. You had it coming, trying to be a CIA agent.
What vegetarian are you?