For people who love the horror genre, you should stick to watching Hollywood horror movies, because here, it’s madness. If you’re able to sit through an Indian horror movie, you deserve a bravery award my friend, because it’s that pathetic. Without generalizing it, there are some movies made in the genre that send a chill down your spine, but sadly, that happens once in a blue moon. Most of the movies are filled with unnecessary drama, backed with a far from scary background music, and poor acting skills. Here are some reasons as to why Indian horror movies are annoying –
Supposed to scare the shit out of people, these characters are the most funniest of all. With almost 2 kg of some white powder on their face, unhygienic long nails and typical old clothes, the ghosts in horror movies are basically drunk people in real life. We don’t know what the make up artists are tripping on, because we most definitely need that thing. The look of the ghost is still fine, what’s even more funny is them constantly flying in the air. You almost confuse it with a really bad superhero movie, and realize that this is not what you came for. Lady ghosts are are even more trippy, with all their hair and eye make up, looking like a complete retard. What makes the makers think they look scary? Like, seriously, why do you think that’ll scare us?
You know what I’m talking about. The “pichhla janam” thing that’s been the base of almost all Indian horror movie stories. The soul comes back, a reincarnation, and the ghost wants to take revenge because he was basically waiting for this soul for more than a 100 years. Exactly how jobless do you think ghosts are? They can get into movie theatres without having to pay for the ticket, steal pizzas from Pizza Hut kitchens, have their own fun by moving things around and travel the world without a passport. But no, they’ll wait for the soul to come back in it’s next birth so they can take revenge, because it’s such a cool thing to do. And you don’t even let them get what they want as in the end, the protagonist will not let that happen. You guys are really unfair to all the ghosts out there.
So you’re watching a horror movie that somehow has your attention (which is hardly the case), and you’re really into the scene wondering what is about to happen. Will the ghost possess Gita? Will she run away? Because that’s the first reaction of every normal person when things start moving around in the house on their own, but Gita is a curious stupid woman, so she won’t. All of this is going on inside your head when boom, Honey Singh starts rapping. What even is up with people? All of a sudden the ghost dances with Gita and you’re just wondering why on Mother Earth did you even decide to waste your precious time like that. At this point you just give up hope, because Gita deserves to die, and everyone else who chose to get involved in making this cinematic masterpiece.
There is nothing as annoying as Indian horror movie dialogues. The writers are high when they write them, as there’s no explanation as to why would they come up with ideas like that when sober. It’s a typical horror movie scene when the protagonist hears a sound coming from the other room. No running away, no screaming for help and no calling the police. The only words they can think of in this grave peril is “Kaun Hai Wahaan”. Are you kidding me? What do you even expect? The ghost will come out, introduce itself and have a couple of beers with you? Did you expect him to even give you a response, because evidently, ghosts are very friendly in nature, maybe that’s why he’s moving things around. 4 year olds can write better.
On those rare occasions where you’ve sat throughout the whole movie without breaking the screen, the climax is the final nail in the coffin, because you literally want to kill yourself for watching this. The protagonist has tried everything, but clearly, the ghost is more powerful and he/she doesn’t stand a chance. Just when it seems like the ghost has won this war, a supernatural energy starts building up in the protagonist and they become even more powerful. Usually there’ll be some explanation as to how God Himself sent this energy from above because he clearly wants this stupidity to end as soon as possible. And the protagonist wins the epic showdown with the ghost with just a few punches and kicks. Wow, awesome.
Kaun hai wahaan?