Listen up real quick boys! If you thought your relationship with your girlfriend is a private affair, let me just burst your little bubble here, it’s not. It may seem like you and she are the only ones in the relationship, but she’s got her whole girl gang working up things that are related to you two. From text messages to Valentine’s Day gifts, they’re the real master minds behind everything you get. You’re dealing with a bunch of crazy women who have the potential to completely destroy your life. Now that you have that clear, let me give you a little guide to Every Girl Gang In The World –
1. WhatsApp Group is mandatory
Every girl gang has this WhatsApp group with a title that is an inside joke only the members understand, so that someone who’s going through their list has no idea what it is about. If you’re that someone, kindly don’t click out of curiosity because you’ll be regretting it. A daily dose of really inappropriate sexual humour, period memes, offensive group opinions about someone that can be you and weird pictures of sleepovers are all that make a girl gang WhatsApp group. If you don’t want to hurt your self-esteem or be scarred for life, never read the messages sent there.
2. Bitching after every party
According to you, there may be three stages to every party. First, where people are just getting used to the setting. Second, where everyone starts getting shit drunk. And third, where everyone has passed out after dancing. But there’s a fourth stage too. The ‘next day’ stage where the girl gang spend quality time criticizing all you guys. That time last night where you puked in the closet and thought nobody saw? Well, they did. And they’re having a blast roasting you. No party is fully complete without undergoing this stage.
3. Beyonce over Boys
You may be in a fully committed relationship with your boyfriend, or living in the suburbs raising two kids with your Tom Hardy-like husband, but if you’re not the first to jump to the dance floor along with your girl gang on ‘Single Ladies’, you have no girl gang. Beyonce is a goddess preached by every girl gang who religiously follow her. Not a day goes without a Beyonce song, so just keep in mind that if you’re having a heart attack at a party and there’s ‘Seven Eleven’ being played by the DJ, your girl will dance it all out and then come to you. So you’re dying, bruh!
4. Mutual hate for exes
If you’re breaking up with a girl or get caught cheating on her, remember, it’s not just she who hates you, her whole girl gang HATES you. And by hate, I mean having the potential to burn down your house or your favourite sweatshirt. Yep, that’s how much they hate you. Once upon a time they used to low key love you when you got your girlfriend a cute panda soft toy for her birthday, and they always had you in their prayers. But you messed that up, man. Now they all gather around and worship Satan asking for all the bad things in the world to happen to you. You had it coming.
5. Celebrating womanhood each day
They don’t need a specific day to celebrate who they are, they’ll celebrate womanhood and togetherness each day. They’ll cry together, share each and every minute detail of their lives with each other, binge watch Sex and The City together and gossip about boys all day without any regrets. After all the drama you put her through on daily basis, she’ll be venting it all out in front of her girl gang and come back to you. No matter how hard you try, they’re always going to know her better than you will ever do, and if you can live with that, girl gang loves you right back.