Living with a sibling is tough, and when I say tough, I mean cracking JEE exams tough. A happy sibling relationship is a myth. All those people posting cute stuff on their sibling’s timeline do they because they want something to be done. A sibling relationship is the most evil relationship of all, crazier than your relationship with an ex girlfriend/boyfriend. They were sent only to bring trouble. If they wouldn’t have been born, you would be the sole child your parents had to pay attention to. From sharing closets with them, so dealing with their tantrums, you have compromised so much. However, you may think they’re good for nothing, but you can use them in situations like these –
1. Occasional movie partners
No all the time, but occasionally. You can use them as movie partners when all your friends are busy with their exams, or have already seen the movie. In acute situations like these, you can use your stupid sibling to accompany you for a movie, it’s the least you they can do, useless as they are. They are actually a good company at the movies, because it’s not a date so you don’t have to pay attention to them, and they are not your friends, so their stupid opinion on the movie doesn’t matter. However, when you are taking them for a movie, make sure about a certain things like shutting their mouth with a tape, giving them strict instructions about not talking to you, especially when people are around, completely divert path when any of you see your friend and the theatre and limit eat the popcorn only to the limit allotted to them. Actually, no popcorn for them, you’ve shared enough.
2. As a Minion
“Switch off the light”, “Get the remote”, “Get me water”, “Make some tea” – you can always use your siblings as minions. The only reason your parents were blessed with another child was to make your life easier. You should be completely oblivious to the whole concept of getting up, and why should you, what are they for? All they do is sit around the house and complicate your relationship with your parents, you might as well get some benefit out of it. If they refuse to work for you, you can always smack them in the head and if that doesn’t work, let your parents know about their girlfriends/boyfriends. Siblings are so stupid, they tell you secrets like you’re not going to use it against them, like what really were they thinking? You’re no priest at a church. You see your opportunity, you grab it. End of story.
3. Use them to convince your parents for a plan
You have this party lined up for Saturday but you forgot to do the dishes two years ago, so you’re not leaving the house. You wish you had a time machine, but don’t worry, you have a sibling. They’re definitely not as cool as a time machine (not even close), but they’ll do. Just let them know where you have to be, tell them to go talk to your mom and text your friends that you’re coming. This works most of the times, quite wondrously, and actually you should be offended for your parents don’t listen to you but to your stupid sibling, but who cares? As long as you’re allowed to go to the party, nothing matters. And for the next plan, you can use the “you love him/her (your sibling) more than me” trick, always works. Everything is fair in love, war and allowance for a party. They should add that to the quote.
4. Your stand-in for grocery shopping
Every person has been asked to drive their parents to a supermarket for grocery shopping. No exceptions here, every child has been through this. There’s no escape to this, it’s a weekly phenomenon that occurs when your favourite show is being aired on TV. People who don’t have any siblings, I feel you. You literally have no escape from this at all. And people who have siblings, you know what I’m talking about. As soon as you overhear your mom saying “D-Mart jaana hai”, stop everything and pick up a book. Open it to no matter what page and start reading seriously and loudly. If this looks like a very difficult thing to do, just bribe your sibling with a 50 rupee note and tell them to drive your mom to wherever she wants to go. Chances are they may decline, just increase the amount to 60 rupees and you’re good. Siblings are cheap af.
5. Clothes lenders
Whoever started with the whole renting clothes idea didn’t have a sibling. You may be a brother-brother sibling, or a sister-sister sibling, or even a brother-sister sibling, clothes lending happens all the time. It’s difficult to lend each other’s clothes in the latter kind of sibling situation, but you can always wear t-shirts. In the other two situations, clothes lending happens all the time. You don’t even ask for it, you just open their wardrobe and pull out whatever you like. Wear it and leave before they see you, and after coming back place it back nicely. If they see you wearing it, nothing big will happen. Just a verbal spat that may turn into a violent knife in the hand incident, but you guys have seen worse, so this is like child’s play. You can always not give their clothes back as well, they will whine forever and keep complaining to mom, but again, you have seen worse. And if you see them wearing your clothes, KILL THEM.
Just kidding, siblings are the best thing to happen to us. There’s always someone who’s going to know you better than you. Wait, that’s your friends. There’s always someone who’s going to snatch the last pizza slice from your hand and eat it, always someone who’s going to irritate you when you’re in the middle of something important, always someone you cannot trust with your secrets (you can) and always someone who’s not going to judge you because they are weird themselves.
Thanks siblings, for being yourself. Sometimes we want to throw you off a cliff, but for all the other days, you’re loved. We would beat the shit out of someone if they insulted you, only we’re allowed to do that.
Now please get the damn remote.